What is the cost of having children?
I read an article yesterday by Connie at Smockity Frocks which had me nodding my head “yes” to her words because I want a big family. She was writing an open letter to Suze Orman, who apparently was giving parenting advice to a young couple that ended in something like, let’s face it you two can’t afford kids. Somehow this lady pulled out a wild number and told the young couple that a kid would cost $700-$1000 per month. So I got to thinking that I should run my mouth on this subject too.
Because you know me; babies, money and family are stuff I like to talk about.
When our kids did cost a lot:
Our kids cost a lot when I was working full-time and caught up in keeping outside appearances pretty for the world. Our young boys had the right label on their shoes, the newest toys and the trips to Disney. With that came a momma {that’s me} who was exhausted keeping up with the Jones’ and trying to make everything my flesh wanted to happen, happen. I think a large part of my mentally, even as a Christian woman, was feminism that has penetrated many corners of society.
I justified working full-time outside the home because we didn’t pay for daycare. You can read my series about choosing to be a stay-at-home mom here. I still felt the pressure that I had to work. God got through to me though and showed me what I was really working for.
The kids cost a lot when we had that expensive gym membership, that also included childcare for the kids. This way I could workout and have someone else watch my kids. Then I’d spend the rest of the evening doing damage control from what was seen/heard/said in the gym child center. And when we went to movies often, had cable TV, and ate out 3-4 times per week-that cost a lot too. But I guess all of those “things” are just “things” and do not have to be directly related to the kids. These expenses were our choices.
We’ve lost my income, which put us in the six-figure range. So there went my dreams of trying to “have it all” in a material sense. But we’ve gained far more than we have ever lost, like the gift of time with our kids. I’ve been learning a lot mothering my family. I guess the biggest cost of having kids for me has been the high-price of having to lay down my stinking flesh in so many areas. I’ve had to die to self. The cost of having children, to me personally, is they pull me toward the finish line. Sadly, many mommas don’t see the beauty in running this race.
Yes, having kids is hard work. Yes, being a stay-at-home/homeschooling mom is not always easy. Then again nothing in life worth having, worth living and dying for, is an easy road. But it’s worth traversing 1,000 times over. Children are a blessing.
Ways we save money with lots of kids:
- We buy used and save the difference. And we thank God for families like the Duggars who model large, Godly, family living. We shop at thrift stores and yard sales. Or God brings blessings right to our door!
- We have to actually THINK and {what-a-thought} PRAY before we make a major purchase. For about 3-years now we’ve been waiting for our main refrigerator to go. There has been a few times in which we thought, “should we replace the refrigerator now?” However, we haven’t had peace about replacing it yet. The awful grinding noise it was making stopped. We still have ice cubes to keep the ice water thrilling at meal time. So for now we wait.
- God provides. Really, He’s awesome like that. {I’m fully expecting a “refrigerator blessing.” Just like He gave us our full freezer
}
- I breastfeed long-term. I’ve been breastfeeding and/or pregnant for 12-years. Again, it’s been wonderful.
- I’m really radical. I don’t buy baby food. I put a real banana in the blender. It works just fine.
- We don’t do high-dollar activities. We go “roadschooling” to museums, zoos and nature walks aplenty. However, we only go to those that are free or we buy the annual pass and use it so much that the museum considers us free. When we do take a trip to someplace that charges admission, it’s to an establishment like the Creation Museum.
- We save on clothes and hair cuts. I have totes of clothing several sizes ahead for our children. It was a joy this Fall to pull down bags of clothing & shoes for Gabriel in his next size. I cut the boy’s hair. Naomi and I grow our hair long. Hubby chipped in and lost most of his hair.
- Reuse toys. We purge often. It’s a matter of sanity and survival to give each child a trash bag and have them fill it a couple of times per year. Some toys though have made the cut and are getting years worth of reuse. We have a tub full of Little People, Mega Blocks and Duplo Blocks that have lasted a decade.
- We’re not paying for college. That doesn’t mean that our children can’t or won’t go. They’ll be prepared either way. We plan on helping them earn college credit during their highschool years of homeschool. Again, NOT that they have to go after degrees. My husband and I both have degrees and/or state licenses {my husband had an apprenticeship}. Neither of us had college funds nor guidance on the subject for that matter. What we are teaching our children is to seek God on His plan for their lives. Gee, what a world-changing thought!
- We save money on food by once-a-month grocery shopping and stocking up the freezers and pantry with good deals. I also cook now. I didn’t start cooking until we were married almost 10-years. True story.
- We homeschool for free or nearly free too. We don’t cave for the shiny curriculum catalogs. Our home is full of learning on the cheap. Together we make a lot of inexpensive lapbooks, and I design our own literature based study units.
- Here’s more ways I save our family money.
What is the cost of having children for you?
Linking up with Works for me Wednesday, Women Living Well, Raising Homemakers and Frugal Friday.
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Amen! My biggest expense thus far has been the births themselves. You can really cut that expense if you opt for a homebirth.
Your comments about curriculum reminded of what I tell people about school funding. It wasn’t that long ago that the main teaching tools were slate and chalk–the books were nice “extras.” You can teach a child to be literate and numerate with a stick and a patch of dirt, and it’s only been in the last few hundred years that people have learned about morality and faith from reading instead of oral tradition (not that such a thing is within the purview of the “education” system). Anything you do beyond those basic supplies is really icing on the cake, and I’m grateful for how much free icing is available to us all!
Oh I love that Rachel, “free icing.”
I always tell people that all you need to homeschool is a Bible and a library card. Many don’t people me, but it’s true!
Thank you for this post! I became a stay at home mom a year ago and a homeschooling mom just months ago. I needed the reminder today! I need to serve God and not man. What we have decided for our family is a blessing and I’m reminded by your article to be thankful.
You’re welcome Barb. Yes, serve God and not man. You’ll never regret choosing to be home with your babies, over having a shiny car!
Wonderful article! I loved hearing your testimony and God’s loving ways of dealing with your heart. For us, our story was a bit different. When I was just 6 weeks pregnant with our firstborn, I had been accepted into law school and was just thrilled. Not only was I the first person in my family to go to college, like you, I paid for it myself. I came from a very very poor family so going to law school was in my mind a “dream come true.” However in the weeks to come God had another plan. He told me I was to be a stay-at-home mother. To make a LONG story short. I submitted to my Father’s will and my husband meekly took on 3 jobs to support our family so I could be home – my husband wanted this from the start (I am SO BLESSED to have the husband I do, He loves God more than anyone I know). Needless to say, this month, nearly 11 1/2 years after we married, God has paid off both of our student loans, our first house, and many other things we owed money on to make us DEBT FREE. God’s promises are YES and AMEN to those of us who dare to step out on a limb and take Him at His word! Thanks for sharing, you shine so bright for JESUS!
Wow, wow, wow!!! We are still not debt free, BUT we have seen God provide in many ways. We believe that by tithing and swallowing down spoonfuls of Dave Ramsey that we will one-day SOON be able to say that too. Thank you so much for sharing Carlie!
Had I gone to a “financial guru” for advice on the cost of having children, I probably would have no children! I have seven children, and like you, I worked outside of the home before coming home. Those new shoes and handbag seem so frivolous now. The smiles on my children’s faces – I could never put a price on that.
Amen Regina, amen!
We have four here and two in heaven. The cost for us to have children was the blood of Jesus. Because without Him, my husband and I wouldnot be married, nor would we have more added to the one we had when we got saved. When I was in my early twenties before my husband accepted Jesus, I worked, and every time I left my baby bundle with my mother in law, I felt a piece of my heart rip. but after Gods answer to my daily pleas to soften my husbands heart to allow me to stay home in spite of the impossible financial situation. Sifice to say…we’ve been married (only by the faithful Lords hand) for almost fifteen years, I’v been a stay at home mother for thirteen years, and we have the blessed privillage to home school on a very low fixed income. We do not have the best of everything, but we have made the best of everything we do have. To squeez my children’s faces every day, and to teach my oldest the value of Gods character through His Word, is more than all the riches this world has to offer, and if God keeps us humble just to keep that perspective for me…than so be it, and blessed be the name of the Lord. I will bless his name at all times. Oh, and I praise the Lord because my firstborn was at high risk during labor, and throughout my pregnancy, and I also have a disease that causes infertility. So I know that God provides as he gives. And what he gives, we give back. That is why I dedicate my children to God. ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD!!! Thanks for the e-book
Love this, “We do not have the best of everything, but we have made the best of everything we do have.” I could hug you!
Glad you got the eBook.
Thank you so much for bringing light to this topic. We’ve been told for years we can’t afford to have more children, yet we’ve continued to have them and are actually living better now than when I worked full-time and only had 2 children. Children are definitely a testament to God’s blessings and provisions!
Darcy, I was just telling my husband this morning that are finances are better NOW with 5+ children and one “average-working-man” income, than they were with TWO incomes and 2 children. God DOES take care of His babies! Thanks for reading.
Hi! I recently found your blog and I’m loving it! I have been a stay-at-home mom since my oldest was 6 months (he is now 9). We now have 6 blessings (9, 7, 4, 2, and 9 month old twins) and we homeschool.
Hopefully I can be proof that one the highest expenses of having kids, at least babies, doesn’t have to be! Diapers! And let me start by saying, I don’t cloth diaper! I just shop smart and stock up! Between coupons, sales, and online deals, the cost of diapers for my twins’ first year will be $322.30!!! And that’s for TWO babies, for a whole year!!
Another big way I save is shopping for clothes a year in advance when things are on clearance, and on big clearance. I usually won’t buy clothes unless they are at least 60% off; add coupons to that and make it an even sweeter deal. And I’d say my kids are dressed fairly well; yeah, they don’t usually wear Gap or Gymboree or OshKosh, but they do wear Children’s Place, Old Navy, clothes from Target (which I really like), Carters.
I also save by meal-planning and shopping once a month (I just say your post on that and I’m eager to read it and see how you do it).
We do splurge on some things, and that’s homeschooling (I confess, I’m a curriculum junkie); and sports for the kids (my two oldest boys play hockey and that is not a cheap sport to play).
I thank the Lord that my husband has a job that allows me to stay home and I’m in awe of the work He has done in my life. There is NO WAY I would be able to live this way without HIM!!
These are great ideas! Yes, when I see clothing on sale {like $3 for new jeans} I may spend $30 and buy the next 2 or 3 sizes. Two years ago I bought our daughters lovely Christmas dress for *this year* when it was marked down to $1. Great job on cheap diapering too. I’ve mixed in cloth diapers over these past two years. Your deals are amazing. Thanks so much for reading.
I like this article, all good stuff, however, Please give me a break with
“We’ve lost my income, which put us in the six-figure range.”
Oh you poor baby, you act like your suffering. How about the people who are doing this with much, much less.
For many mothers in this world this is a “point of suffering,” to give up a 2nd income. Mothers need to hear from other mothers like myself who’ve made the unpopular choice to live with less. Really, it’s ok to encourage one another and this can be done. I’m very real with my struggles. Yes, many deal with far, far less, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t share from my experiences. Thank you for your thoughts and for reading.
We have four kids, and are getting by in the LOWER five figures, in SOTHER CALIFORNIA, where it seems like everyone but us, has Disney passes. We live in a small condo in the middle of the city with no yard. But on the flip side, our family on a lower five fixed are considered rich, compared to the average family in other countries. That’s why it’s important to take the kids On missions trips. Mexicali is a great place to serve. We have footage and stories that made us look like kings. If we have one pair of shoes, transportation, your basic necessities, and three meals a day, we are considered rich in comparison to the average person around the world. And if we have the Lord, we are richer than the richest person in the world. so it’s a matter of perspective. These are great ideas, allot like the Duggars, and are very helpful. And I hope this testimony a wealthy person see it from their perspective, just as much as I pray that our families ghetto life stories will help others who go through tough situations. We all come from different walks, and hopefully we can encourage one another in the Lord, and allow the Lord to guide us how to be a good Stewart of what he’s given us, including our, time, words, children, etc.
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